Where Are You Now?

Yes, I am borrowing my title from Mumford and Son's. However, it feels quite fitting. What a year and then some it has been. Tonight we celebrated my brother's birthday and his 17th year of marriage to Shannon. 17 years. How has the time gotten away from us.
Tonight, I am thinking about family. I am thinking about, how no matter what the memory is, each of us perceives it differently. We all have our, "this is my memory" moment. Whose is accurate? Does it matter?
I would say, no. What is important, is that we hold a memory of it. I have met a group of people who have held me in their hearts, minds and memories for 34 years. They saw me, met me, held me, heard of me, looked for me, knew of me, for 34 years. That is a long time! And now, how do I fill in those years. How do I embrace it all with out harming others. How do I make my 34 year prior relations healthier. This reunion's goal was to build me up. Make me stronger.

Deciding

Deciding to write tonight. Think about it most nights, and find something else to occupy my brain. But always wanting to put it all down.
Always wanting to create that calendar.
You learn something new everyday.
Today, I learned...I am naive.
I want to live in a quiet, quaint community that the childhood me, believes I grew up in
. I want to not feel like a fool when I am caught with my doors unlocked. I want to not feel the pit in my stomach, when there is a moment with no barking as Uncle Jerry patted down the house. What if someone hurt our Luke? I despise living in fear, and perhaps that is why I am lackadaisical about locking my doors. I don't want to live in fear. I want to believe in our neighborhood. I want to have faith in our world. Yep, like I said....naive.
So what does that mean for me? Do I have to harden up, perhaps just wise up? But there is so much good in the world. I believe it can rise. But, I need to be wise. I will be stronger and smarter when it comes to protecting my family.
That is what I learned today.