Searching through the rubble.....

      For the past few weeks, I have been letting myself get a bit wrapped up in "theories" of why bad things have been happening in our world. What is wrong with our culture? Is it gun control, is it schools, is it the government, is it the parents, is it media, etc, etc.?
     However, as I  try to tear myself away from the television, I am reminded that it is completely out of our control. A 2 mile long tornado can rip through your neighborhood, rushing through at speeds of over 200 miles per hour and all you will have is a 17 minute warning to get to safety. 24 children unaccounted for at one school. Doesn't sound like they made it to a safe spot. A few have been found, huddled in "tornado drill" position. Parents, friends, and family waiting, holding their breath.
      My heart aches for the people of Oklahoma, their family and friends. Tomorrow I will ask my children what they think we can do to help. We will work hard to smile and cherish each moment and make our world stronger and better. Say a pray tonight for the families who were the stomping grounds for this horrible tornado.

     In all the darkness that surround our nation, I am blessed to have these smiles to make my days full of awesome!

Moving forward

A nasty virus has been creeping around our house this past week. Sore throats, runny noses, bad coughs and restless night. But none of that compares to the illness stirring in the pit of my stomach. Let's review:

• Today we honor and celebrate the life of Scott Richardson. Today is his birthday. Today his children will not share cake with him, his wife will not get a fancy dinner date, his mother will not get to send him a card stating that he is an incredible son, his brothers won't get to share a toast with him, and his friends will never rally the night away with him again. It has been over 3 months and yet still seems unreal. We have worked hard to live a life that would make him proud. The first month or so, that seemed easy. Then we let life catch up with us. Today we remember to slow down, smell the roses, play with our children, cherish our spouse, enjoy a good sunset. As Buddha said, "the problem is we think we have time.
• Speaking of time, I packed my first batch of clothes to hand down today. I have been holding on to all of Ashlynn and Elijah's clothes. Like one day, when another child is born, I would somehow magically grab the correct trashbag out of the attic for the clothes I need for that month. But today, I packed up clothes of Ashlynn's (once Finley Faith's) and am ready to hand them down to the adorable Marin. It made me think, holding on to these clothes is like holding on to the past. I don't know if that means no more kids or if it just means I am ready to move on from the trials of this year. I know they are just clothes, but they remind me of so many memories from the best moments of my life. 
• Oh and speaking of time!!!! Tonight is kindergarten orientation!!! Argh! I am sick to my stomach with anxiety and excitement for Ashlynn. It is very difficult to believe that the little peanut that has given us so much joy and at the same so many tears, is going into kindergarten. I am excited for her but the thought of her gone from me 5 days a week is heart-wrenching. Tonight we go meet teachers and the principal. I hope that I feel comfortable there. I always just assumed my children would go to Edison Park. It has been my "educational" home for the past 10 years and I am not sure I am ready for anything else. I have made a personal vow to try and remain open minded. I will embrace the school for what it has to offer and put forth my service before my complaints. 

Ok so beyond that, my throat still aches and my nose is runny. The sun is shining and the kids are sleeping. I need to write more often. It helps me cope with the moments.